Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
