I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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