dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
