Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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