Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize