We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
babies were throwing up all over the place
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
