you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Holy shit dude........stairs
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
