Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We need to rekindle our bromance
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize