I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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