I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
