He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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