Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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