she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
