Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
