Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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