The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
