He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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