So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
she pinky promised me she was 18
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
