no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
