I wanna passion pit in your ass
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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