The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
