Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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