Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
