I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
