Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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