I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
