I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
