I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
