Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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