May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
