Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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