I showed him my bush... on skype.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I need moral support for this bender
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
