it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
