I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
