You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize