Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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