wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
