i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
