i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
