i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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