The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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