it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
