Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
