i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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