OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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