we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
