he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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