I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
