Please don't use social media to get back at me.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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