He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
