Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
