The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
