Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
