I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
he was CRYING into my vagina
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
