forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
