he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
