barbara walters just said penis...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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