i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
