Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
