I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
