there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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