I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
This is classic penis vs brain.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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