Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Hippo gnu deer
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
