he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
