it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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