so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
