some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
