Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
