so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize