a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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