don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
