he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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