Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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