There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I think I sprained my soul last night
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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