and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
