dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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