I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he wants to bone in the snuggie
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize