I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
