u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
