I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize