hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
