last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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