My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
