If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
