i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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