He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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