I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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