In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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