perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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