Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Operation Purity has been aborted
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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