In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
